Raging on Friday night.
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- 5 years ago
- 14
- 5 years ago
- 2
A friend’s facebook thread ended in someone asking for a piece of slashfic starring my pal Brian and “a random celebrity”. I was sitting in a waiting room and did this. I’m kind of ashamed. Brian was amused, though.
Brian sat visibly uncomfortably at a small table tucked away in the corner of his local dive. His freshly shaved dome perspired as he swiped hurriedly through a folder of selfies. He shook his head and muttered unintelligibly as he passed a smarmy photo in which he posed with his middle school flute. That certainly wouldn’t do. Not with Jamie.
A waitress, young, fresh-faced, and not yet daunted by the fact that she’d spend the next umpteen years fending off unwelcome advances from lecherous red-nosed drunks bounced over to Brian’s table.
“You doing okay, sweetheart?” she chirped, startling him. He fumbled with his phone, trying to back out of the excessive amount of selfies lest he look like some self-obsessed douchebag, and set it face down with probably too much of a THUMP.
“Oh, uh, yeah” he stammered. “Just waiting for someone to show up”. He looked over the waitress’ shoulder towards the front door. Where are you, Jamie? “Big date tonight” he choked out over a nervous chuckle.
“Well. Someone’s a lucky girl.” She gave his shoulder a light pat pat and winked. “You let me know if you need anything.” As she turned towards a nearby table of doughy 30-somethings Brian let out another nervous laugh. “Yeah, uh. Will do.”
He took a sip from his half empty IPA and picked the phone back up. 4:43pm. Jamie was almost half an hour late. He tapped their SMS chain in his inbox and slowly scrolled through the two weeks of text messages and late night, usually drunken, mostly NSFW selfies (and noting, not for the first time, that Jamie’s face never graced those photos. Brian respected this and thought it was smart. Lots of creeps on dating apps). This was going so well. Why bail on the first date? He started back at the bottom of the chain, frantically searching for a reason.
Had he been too forward? Was he coming on too strong? Sure, he’d been through a divorce but that was a while back and he was in a good, comfortable place now. And besides, he’d been up front about all of that. Jamie was cool about it.
-NO DRAMA ;) Brian had once texted.
-NO DRAMA MAMA, 420 FRIENDLY LOL Jamie had responded.
-LOL. LOVE HIKES TOO? Brian thought that was pretty clever.
Scrolling through their exchange yielded nothing too douchey, aggressive, needy, or creepy. He was baffled.
Had something happened in Jamie’s personal life? Maybe a family emergency? Shit happens, after all, and it never checks your schedule ahead of time.
He sighed, placed his phone back on the table and took a long pull on his beer. The waitress caught his eye and made the universal sign for “Another one, then?”. Brian nodded and sucked down the rest.
And then the familiar sound of two long vibrations rang out from the table. Brian jumped, his heart skipping a beat. More sweat dripped down his ill-advised buzz cut (he wanted to grow it out and needed it to be the same length, he would tell anyone that would listen). He grabbed his phone, almost afraid to look at the screen, and took a deep breath.
-HERE. ;)
Brian tried to remain calm as he whipped his head back and forth at breakneck speeds. Blinking hard, as if maybe his eyes were betraying him, he took in the whole room. All he saw were the same handful of regulars that had been there since he’d arrived. No Jamie.
What the fuck is going on?
He composed himself for a moment and let out a long breath. This is probably a misunderstanding.
-I DON’T SEE YOU GORGEOUS. YOU SURE YOU’RE AT THE RIGHT PLACE? Not condescending. Perfectly reasonable response. He stared at his phone.
The waitress startled him for the second time, whisking his empty glass away and replacing it with another glass of golden brown beer. “Still waiting, hun?” she said in a sing-song voice.
“Ah, yeah, I think so?” Brian said, eyes still fixed on his screen. “My date seems to think they’re already here.”
The waitress looked towards the opposite corner of the bar, then back at Brian and furrowed her brow. Had she been in a cartoon a lightbulb would have gone off over her head.
“Oh! I think I-” Brian’s phone vibrated again and he stopped listening.
-IN RESTROOM. ;0
A shit eating grin spread across Brian’s pretty handsome face. “Never mind” he said as he seemed to stand, pound his beer, pocket his phone, and throw a twenty on the table in one fluid motion. He bounded towards the bar’s lone restroom, leaving the waitress confused but nonetheless pleased with his tip. She shook her head, again unaware that this would probably be the tamest shit she’d see within her next 20+ years of indentured servitude at this shithole.
Brian strode into the bathroom with the confidence of a teenager taking first place at the State A/V Club Championship. He clicked the deadbolt shut behind him and gazed upon the lone toilet stall in the corner. All his worries had been for nothing.
“How’d you sneak past me, Jamie?” He smiled as he walked slowly towards the stall, rubbing a hand across his sweaty dome.
“Oh baby, you know I like a good misdirect.” Jamie growled as he pushed the toilet stall door open. There he was. All 6 feet and probably 250 pounds of him (Jesus, he’d put on a bit of weight) sitting on a filthy toilet with his dick in his hand.
Brian chuckled, raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow, and licked his fingers. “Yeah. You got me.”
“You’re ready for the experience, then?”
“You know it” Brian replied. “Give me that Jamie Kennedy Experience.”
Then Brian sucked Jamie Kennedy’s dick in a divey bathroom and it was really hot.
- 7 years ago
- 934
- 7 years ago
- 968
