Link

Say hi, Nathan!

hotel-job:

(A mid-40’s man and woman sit with their 2 and 4 year-old boys in the lobby, waiting to meet some people. Dad is dressed in a nice suit and looks a bit nervous. Then, about a dozen men in sharp suits come through the front door. They greet each other, and it becomes clear that he’s visiting the…

I absolutely lost my shit reading this in the office today. I had run down to the basement stifling my laughter so no one would hear me.

I guess I’m 12.

Source: hotel-job
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sarcarstic:

We’re having pizza for dinner, is that ok?

image

I really want pizza

(via tastefullyoffensive)

Source: sarcarstic
Chat
  • Person: Hi, do you want pizza?
  • Person Nobody Likes: No. I'm being healthy. I'm not eating pizza because...
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It looks so good, but the calories--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: ...and the fat--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Here's a long explanation of my diet...
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: But I wish I could cheat LOL!
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: That stuff is so bad for you, you know? But you have fun!
  • Everyone who has left to go live their lives:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's the gluten, you know? I don't know what that is, but it's soooooo baaaaaad.
  • Crickets who have come out because it's midnight now:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I cheated and ate an M&M yesterday! I spent an hour at the gym to make up for it but so worth it LOL.
  • Unfeeling universe:
  • Person Nobody Likes: Have you tried using cauliflower instead of bread to make a pizza?
  • Existential dread:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It tastes exactly the same, and it's sooooo much healthier.
  • Death itself:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I'm gonna go drink my soy smoothie now.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's a small size.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Gotta watch my thighs!
  • Apocalypse, the end of all space and time as we know it, the fathomless void of nothingness:
  • Person Nobody Likes: BUT YOU ENJOY THAT PIZZA, FRIEND.
Source: missworded
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blackdenimjeans:

bile7:

It’s in Gods hands now. He’ll know what to do. He always does.

Is it possible I’m actually carrying a foal?

(via obamasbutt)

Source: fagflow
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tastefullyoffensive:

[izol]

Why didn’t I do this in college??

tastefullyoffensive:

[izol]

Why didn’t I do this in college??

(via afternoonsnoozebutton)

Source: tastefullyoffensive
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beverlycrusher:

2 kewl.
Photo Set

sixpenceee:

TERRIFYING GIFS PART 2 

(PART 1)

These gifs were found on various threads, I am unsure of the origins on some of them. 

These are the ones I’m sure of

1) Paranormal Activity 3 (watch here)

3) The Conjuring (watch here)

4) VHS

5) The Thing

6) Nothing Really Matters- Madonna

7) A maze in Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights based on La Llorona 

8) Devil’s Pass

9) Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (watch here)

10) The Poughkeepie Tapes (watch here)

I didn’t know the Poughkeepsie tapes got made! Stoked to watch it.

Source: sixpenceee
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lucifers-handmaiden:

ultrafacts:

Source For more posts like this, follow Ultrafacts

THIS LITERALLY MADE MY HEART MELT

Irish youths, man. They’re the worst.

(via ultrafacts)

Source: ultrafacts
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fuckandyes:

coolpages:

Spider-Man: Fear Itself (Marvel Comics - February 1992)

Writers: Gerry Conway (Plot/Script) & Stan Lee (Script)
Illustrators: Ross Andru (Pencils) & Mike Esposito (Inks)

"FUCK YOU, DRACULA!"

Source: coolpages